My thoughts

At times I've thought, "Why was I chasing her? Why was I always after her, even if there was a complete denial from her side?" As I reflect back, I realise it-was-my-belief-she-was-taking-away. A belief about my idea of love—a belief of what love meant to me. For me, it was all these little things she did that perhaps were the definition of love for me. Those little things included everything she might not have thought meant so much to me—from the daily pages of Rumi's book to having deep conversations about life and death. From sharing books about healing with me to sharing very personal stories of her family. From sharing her vulnerabilities about career paths and finances to sharing her vulnerabilities about the fragility of life. Maybe that made me feel very close to her, very attached to her, and believe that this is going to last forever. The experiences I felt were very deep which made me believe that it was love. This was a beautiful magical thing which I was feeling with her. For me, that was love I had imagined for years. When she told me that she did not feel the same, it-was-my-belief-she-was-taking-away. When she was distancing from me in the context of not having feelings for me. I wonder what the word 'feelings' meant. What is it exactly trying to say when she mentioned that she doesn't feel the same? The only answer I have right now is there's nothing right there's nothing wrong. I just believed in something, and I called it love, and she believed that "it" wasn't love.

References:

Last line of the film Silent Love from the FTII student films section.