fine strokes of nostalgia

2025-03-27 15:47 Note Type: journal, self-reflection, memory Tags: nostalgia, autobiography, NID, mumbai

It was sometime in the middle of 2017. I was in the room of my Professor in NIT Rourkela. My 10th sem was over and I was supposed to graduate. But this professor of mine had very diligently planned to keep me for an extra semester. With just 4 marks away from from the pass marks 35, he had adamantly made sure that there is no scope at all to increase 4 marks in the paper in any possible way. I had my NID Rank sheet in my hand with AIR 26, just in case that melts his heart. Along with that I had my job offer mail from Tech Mahindra in my hand expecting that it would definitely allow him to grace me with few more marks and let me off the chains. But sadly even after nearly breaking down in front of him, he didn’t agree. At some point he told that He is very ethical and couldn’t do such unethical deed by any chance. That hit me deep and I countered him with a statement about his son which I still vividly remember. I straight up told him just coz he is a prof his son got all recommendations for the foreign university internship. Ain’t that unethical? The situation became too cold to handle and I left. I moved to my robotics lab and sat in my corner. It was around 4 pm sometime. Sunrays passing through the curtains, falling on me. I cried. I called my father and almost couldn’t speak with a lump in my throat and wet eyes. After talking for some time, he reassured me that it’s just marks and subjects, and nothing to worry about. The most reassuring thing I always keep getting from his is that if your health is good everything is possible, and hence always just pray for a good health. Nothing else in life matters and everything else is achievable.

I don’t know where to start about this whole experience infact. So I just started off with that since that once day is something that I might not forget after another golden jubilee of the Insitute. That room, that 23 years old me standing desperately in his room, that sunlight in the robotics lab, that teardrop on my cream colored chinos, that phone call with my father. It might seem very trivial to most people, but for me it was a very emotionally tough situation. The only thought that ran was that I won’t be graduating this year for those 4 marks and my convocation will be shifted by one more year. My whole family will get the news along with my extended family and it would be really tough for my parents to even explain the reason. 12 fucking months for 4 fucking marks.

Somehow days passed, I changed the subject, and completed the semester. By this time I had almost decided that I won’t be joining Tech Mahindra. I wrote to atleast 10-15 media and film companies in Mumbai if they can hire me in any role. I badly wanted to have a job at hand before moving to Mumbai, so that my parents are atleast not worried about me. I lied them about a company camera and shorts in Andheri West as if I had a offer from them. By this time I had already appeared again for NID and CEED in January/ February 2018. I did not wait for the results though. I moved to Mumbai on 14th March. 15th March I was there in Kandivali West in a college senior’s room.

Mumbai has been really kind to me I would say. Also the amount of opportunities I have had in the city in just 27 months of my stay is insane. From wedding shoots in Taj, to walk mural shoots in a small school in the suburbs of Bombay, from getting regular editing gigs to getting an almost full ride scholarship to study ad film making in PKSBE, from interning on in one of the leading production houses in the town to covering some of the coolest fests and events in the town, from travelling Thailand for shoot with one of India’s best wedding photogrpahy company to documenting the making of the longest wall mural in mumbai, I have had a hell lot of opportunities to explore the best I could, all the while financially sustaining myself from the freelance gigs.

In the production house interned, I worked under a director who was from NID. I really loved his attitude, creativity and understanding of life in general. Someday he mentioned about his beautiful experiences in NID, about the the interesting stuff they did, about all film screenings etc. I won’t lie that I was kinda inspired to some extent with his words for NID. There was a day when he told that it’s not that easy to get into NID. Ofc it hit me a lil bit for my failed attempts. But then I never thought of giving it a shot again. I was kinda convinced that hustling my way up in Mumbai can also work out in my favour.

Though I had pursued a One year course in PKSBE, I did not get that peer to peer learning that I was expecting. Some were good, but a lot of them did not bother to do anything much and were just concerned about the certificate with Prahlad Sir’s sign. Anyway it was more of a confidence build up course for me for all the super cool activities we used to have regularly. Coming to the internship, I wasn’t much enjoying the role I was in and was expecting to do better stuff myself rather than doing petty jobs that were not creatively stimulating. And hence one night I simply left it. No notice, nothing. I just packed my bags and had a small emotional talk with the Anupam Sir, and I wasn’t there in the office from the next day. I was a monsoon night when I returned home that day. In the auto rickshaw with slight drizzle outside, I just wanted to feel the raindrops on my face. It was almost like a salvation from a bondage I chose to break myself. I was just not in the right space of mind those days to continue there.

Fast forward a few days and I got a call regarding a mural art project. It was a great experience I would say since I was almost getting out of my room everyday in the outdoor space and shooting videos and photos and directing the artists by myself. After that I did the art project documentation in the school at Kandivali West. Honestly it was kinda therapeutic for me during this project. Seeing kids everyday made me so happy and content.

Just as the shoot for these projects were getting over, I was hopping into the editing of those films in January and February. Sometime during those days Saunak organised a Photoshoot in Mumbai. I attended it just to meet him tbh. I absolutely loved the video he had made about gap year and photography for Point of Veu. And I had to meet!!! The shoot was epic. What a crazy creative vibe all around. I still miss that day.

Soon after this, lockdown happened on March 21. Life has been so different since then. For some reason it felt so peaceful for me in the initial days. As if I was not obliged to respond to anyone. Especially the client requests. To keep myself engaged I stared editing the dance video of Sourav, later on which became one of my most saved post in Instagram!! I also started watching movies and one fine day I watched the perks of being a wallflower. I was so emotional with that movie, especially the ending scene. That inspiration literally made me edit the clips I had shot in the Photoshoot of Pursuit of Portraits. And then Bloombai was made, one of my most favorite video yet!! It was truly born from inspiration you can say. Honestly these two videos have connected me to so many people online. Some of them became close friends of mine and are still in touch til date. I have even collaborated for music videos with people from Muscat whom I met online via these videos. It’s magical how the internet works. And how magical it can be if you simply put out your work without fearing the judgement of people.

By the time I was almost planning to leave for Bhubaneshwar, the Budweiser streetwear project landed up! I literally shot that on 16th June, a day before I left Mumbai. 17th morning I had my flight to Bhubaneshwar. It’s been almost 15 months I have not been to Mumbai as I am writing this on September 12th.

On arrival at Bhubaneshwar it felt like it would be just a short stint here for few months before in return mumbai again. Little did I know that life has so many different plans. The worst part in these days was in September 2020 sometime when my parents were affected by COVID. I was literally told a strict NO to go near my parents who where put up in Daspalla. I was worried but made sure they were treated well with the medicines. Thanks to Twinkle didi who helped me with an oxygen cylinder which my father says that it boosted his confidence and helped them heal better. Indeed psychological aspects affect how fast you heal.