Figured it Out

Sometimes I wonder, at what point will I feel like I have “figured out life”.

10 years ago, I was equally confused as I am today. Quite possibly 10 years later, I still would be equally un-figured. Do we really ever have our lives “figured out”?

A few days ago, a friend of mine told that she was proud of me for the fact that I took a step to be with someone and then decide to ‘figure out life’. Very few men are that courageous and daring she added. That made me think about what stage of “figuring out my life” I am in right now. Is there a truly ‘absolute’ answer for this?

May be taking the leap was not really about having a “figured out” life, and then going ahead. May be it was more about feeling ready to love someone and build a life with them.

In fact, truth be spoken, it was more about being sure of being loved.

Our crazy little mind has its own ways to overthink about all possible adversities all the time. Ain’t it?

Sometimes I wonder if that is just a coping-mechanism to protect oneself from a possible adversity? Is that an echo of the pain you have gone through in the past?

Is that a way to alert me of our own shortcomings which can scatter away a carefully built sand castle. Having a few of my closest friends go through rough marriages, deceived health issues before marriages, infidelity issues, devdas issue, separating within a few months of getting married, and so on, it fills my heart with the (unspoken) fear many a times.

To keep my ego aside and share everything with my wife has been one of the most overwhelming yet daring things I have done in the last couple of months.

I am sure she is more courageous to be willing to listen to everything I share, process them, and still have an open nonjudgmental conversation.

Understanding the thin line between a vulnerable conversation vs trauma dumping is not that easy as it seems.

May be love grows in one side of that thin line, the other side being fatal.

But we try. We all try. Carefully treading on that thin line is one of the most boldest things we do.

As Sigmund Freud rightly said, “How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved.” 🥹